I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
