I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
