its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ttyl tear gas
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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