I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
