We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
