Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
