I like to think it a success when the cops are called
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Found the puke drawer
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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