I'm eating all of the evidence.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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