3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize