i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
