I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
