I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
