Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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