sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
