I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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