can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
