He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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