Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
