he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
