you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
