last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
