omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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