Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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