I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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