Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
