i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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