Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
