I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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