Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
