Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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