I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
