hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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