Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
