Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize