i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
