but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
