My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
