Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
