i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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