Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
