I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
