she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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