I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
