I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
