I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
