OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
