He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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