Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize