Don't EVER smell your tampon
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
