I murdered the dance floor call the cops
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize