For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
