some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
