Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
