o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
dude. I can hear the air.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
