i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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