weddingsv make me drug and hornr
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
