no, he came in my armpit
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize