ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
