I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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