so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
