Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
