maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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