I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
