there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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