Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
