Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
