He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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