i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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